Survival of the Fittest Isn't Working...

...and all I have to say is THANK GOODNESS!

      Seriously, the dumb shit I do on an almost daily basis should have killed me off long ago, but hey, I'm still here.  AND, I haven't had any major scares that resulted in or even required hospitalization.  Except for that one time, well actually it was two times that I went in for an allergic reaction to sulfates, but the first time my grandparents brought me in rather than an ambulance and the second time I kinda figured out what it was based on the first time.  Ignored red flag number one was when my grandpa told me that the pills weren't marketed anymore and that they were officially used for something else but they also worked on leg cramps.  I had a really bad case of them after hiking too much and probably not warming up. (and by not warming up I mean not being in shape)  

     Ignored red flag number two only applies to the second time.  You see, this was back when I was young and not hip to how so many medical "professionals" are complete douches with god complexes who will say shit like "that's just how it is for some women" (I've heard that one twice, from 2 different doctors!), or "you work in retail? your job isn't important enough for me to write you a note for work (so you will have to continue to spread bronchitis on top of having to lift heavy shit and stand for 8 hours while completely exhausted and coughing uncontrollably)."  I think he was just too busy being godlike and all so I added in the unspoken part for him; being godlike is hard, people!  (Actually, he was probably thinking "Retail? Hell yeah she has to go to work; I need more money, bitches!  Go forth and cough freely!")

     Anyhow, the first time I went in to the hospital they just put in an IV while I sat and they did blood work but said there wasn't much they could do to help me.  Then when I got the results they were inconclusive, awesome!  So of course I shouldn't have taken the pills a second time, but I had placed my trust in my grandpa and the doctors.  I'm being kind when I think back in hindsight to the lady at the second hospital and I choose to think maybe the reason she refused to help me get up and go pee when I had an EKG machine hooked up and an IV in me and had been sleeping for hours was because she was trying to show me that it's no fun for anyone when someone has an allergic reaction to something and I should NEVER take those pills again. 

     The best parts?  Afterwards, my grandparents basically said "yeah, your mom had an allergy to sulfates as well."  Thanks guys, would have been good to know before all of this happened!  AND, remember the doctor who said my job didn't merit a note for work?  Well, after having discovered my allergy when younger I always made sure to include it on every medical form that asks for allergies and it WAS on the form he had when he prescribed me what he called an "albuterol inhaler, it's used for asthmatics but it should help you breathe" and I later discovered the full name was albuterol SULFATE.  I fondly recall dubbing him Dr. Kevorkian McFly, but with my newer more improved vocabulary I should add Douche-Canoe to his name too. 

     In my "old age" and learned mistrust of medical "professionals," I've gotten a lot better about not doing seriously dangerous shit...well, depending on your definition of serious.  Today's almost mishap is a common one for me.  While holding a fork with tines up and a bottle of rootbeer "mmmm, that looks so good I can't wait, must drink now" *drink* "ummm, that came unsettlingly close to my eyeball."  As one of my professors once said, "It's really more like 'survival of the marginally fit'."